Back To School Blues

The first sighting happened this morning as I took a walk with my dog before leaving for work.

I honestly couldn't believe my eyes.  It couldn't possibly be...could it?  

As I walked a little further, it came clear into my vision that what I was seeing from afar, was truly what I thought it was.

A school bus.

How is it that summer went by so quickly, that it has become "back to school" time already?

Many adults, with or without children, have a feeling of nostalgia when September rolls around.  After years & years of elementary, high school and post secondary education, you almost expect that butterfly feeling in your stomach that comes in September.  You remember certain school years, heading off to college or university, and just what that first day of school felt like.

For parents, it may be a time of joy sending their kids back (Hello, Staples commercials "It's the most wonderful time of the year!") and for others, there may be sadness, or the Back To School Blues.  It may be difficult watching your children grow up before your eyes, sending them into higher grades, hoping that they are safe & learning, hope that they aren't being bullied, hoping they aren't the bully, wanting them to experience sports, and science, math & drama.

For students of any age, there can be excitement, let down of having to go back, anxiety, fear, stress, and many other emotions.  While someone can say "You'll be FINE!"  a million times over, the emotions that students feel are very real.  

If your child (4 years old or 20 years old) is experiencing some concerning emotions about school, there are some great ways to help them through it.

• Help them find an activity that they are passionate about when it comes to school.  Is it soccer?  Is it art?  Maybe they have a passion for photography and being on the Yearbook Committee would be ideal.  Whatever the passion is, encourage them to follow it!

• Check in daily with them, with open ended questions, ex: "Tell me about your day" or "What did you focus on in geography today" or "Tell me the hardest part of your day, and then tell me the best part of your day".  Using open ended questions will get you more than a "Good, yes, no or fine" answer.

• Watch for signs of stress.  Stress could come from a teacher, another student, homework, a subject they are having a hard time with or with a relationship.  

• Make sure they do their homework!  Checking in on homework daily could seem like a daunting task, but it'll save the "I didn't know it was due" or "I forgot about it till right now" excuses.  We've all used them!

• Listen.  It's human nature to want to offer advice, however, listening will do so much more!  Intervene when necessary, but watch them learn & grow through every life experience.

If you or another parent needs someone to talk to about their school aged children, we're always here to listen.

If you're a student reading this, and you need someone to talk to, you can call us day or night confidentially to talk about ANYTHING you want to talk about!

613-238-3311

Back To School - College and University

Their room is packed into boxes in the car, they've bid farewell to their hometown, and are ready to start their post-secondary career in the field that they feel they want to venture into.  Or maybe they're staying at home to attend the closest college/university and do a daily commute.

Regardless of their choice, your child has now become a young adult, and is taking baby steps into the world of college & university.

I can still remember my parents dropping me off at Loyalist College in Belleville - the furthest I was willing to go away, and I was going to be living in residence with 5 other girls I had never met before, and going to this school, where I knew a total of 2 people.  Nervous?  You bet.  Best two years of my school career?  Absolutely.  (In fact, it's where I met my now spouse!)

That first month where your student is learning their way around campus, what studying is REALLY like, how to cook for themselves, how important sleep really is, where they need to concentrate, how to make new friends, and most importantly, how to succeed in school.

But with all of those things, can come stressful times.  Anxiety, depression, stress come very easily to post-secondary students as they are learning the way of the world.  OSAP, student loans, finances, how to control money - it can send an 18 year old spinning out of control.  I saw many students in my college years, spending their OSAP on stereos, televisions and unfortunately, at the bars.  Bullying can also continue into the post-secondary stage, making it feel like it's a never-ending cycle.

Some students find themselves enjoying the party scene of college/uni more than classes, and end up missing classes, sleeping in class, and watching their GPA drop, and drop quickly.

Then come mid-terms & exams.  This is possibly one of the most stressful times for a college/uni student, as quite often, their mark on the exam is worth 50% or more of their final grade.  It is not uncommon to see students at their breaking point during exam time, to see them get sick, depressed, and not eat well, and some even find themselves extremely depressed and end up with suicidal ideations.

How can you as a parent, help your child through their post-secondary school?  

• Schedule weekly phone calls (or weekly dates if they're at home) to stay connected
• Teach them how to cook healthy meals
• Teach them how to do their laundry
• Show them how to manage their money through a budget, how to pay bills, how to properly use a credit card (consider one with a small credit limit of $500)
• Explain how to manage their stress (we're here 24/7 for your students to call!)
• Talk about a healthy lifestyle that doesn't involve substance abuse
• Go and visit!  They'll be so proud to show you around campus and their classrooms.
• Listen.  You'll be able to see the emotions your child is dealing with, and listening without judgement will help your student get their feelings under control.

If your student is having problems with the course they are taking, it's not a bad thing.  It can simply mean their passion isn't in that area of focus.  They can work with a school liaison to find the right course for them.

...pat yourself on the back parents, you've gotten your child out of elementary, middle and high school and into their post-secondary education!  (or, into the work world!).  This can also be difficult on you, emotionally, mentally and financially.  Be sure that you have a good support system in your life as well, as you will also be dealing with your own stuff.  

As always, don't forget that we are here, for you and your post-secondary students, for whatever you're dealing with.  We're here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, no matter what, simply by calling 613-238-3311.

Best wishes for this school year, to all of the students out there!

Back To School - High Schoolers

Whether you have a "minor niner" starting high school or one entering into Grade 12, high school is four years of your child's life, that are some of the most emotional, difficult and overwhelming years.

Grade 9

The "Minor Niners" year.  Do you remember the feeling of walking into the large high school, feeling completely lost and nervous about where you locker is, how to find your classroom, where the cafeteria is, if you'd be picked on by an older student?  Those feelings are still around today for new ninth graders, but with a lot more concerning issues, like bullying, fitting in, sexual orientation and more.

One of the easiest ways for a ninth grader to get started, is to stick with someone they know.  Often, students will venture into a high school with someone they've already been going to school with for most or at least part of their lives.  Strength in numbers!  Your student will be able to have that friend closeby for assistance, or even just to have someone to talk to, as they meet new friends.

Ensuring that your child is safe & happy is one of the most logical concerns a parent can have.  Does the school have a zero tolerance for bullying?  Is your child someone who is friendly to everyone, or are they a potential bully themselves?  Are they involved in clubs or sports?  These are all excellent questions to keep in mind and to talk to you kids about.

Grade 10 

Not at the bottom of the food chain anymore, but not at the very top either.  Students in grade 10 are starting to know what they like and what they don't when it comes to subjects, and will definitely have a few choices for classes and electives.  Sitting down with your student to hash out details of each class together is a great way to learn more about what your high schooler is loving, and ensuring that they are meeting the school's requirements for graduation in a couple of years.  

All of the same concerns listed above can follow your child through their high school career.  Don't assume all of that ends in the 9th grade.

Grade 11

Your student is at the time in their high school career where they are going to be starting to think of post-secondary school or a career.  Now is an excellent time to listen to their hopes for their future, and how you can help them get there.   There comes a bit more expectation and pressure in the 11th grade, with making sure they stay on top of their studies to ensure good grades for college or university.  

This is also one of the times in your students life, where they're falling in love for the first time.  You may think "Oh she/he is just too young to feel that way!" but truth be told, we all had a first love in high school, and if you are honest with yourself, you'll remember the feelings that come with it.  Having the good old "Safe Sex" conversation with your child when they are in their first serious relationship can help you (and them) be more prepared for what can happen.  You'll most likely get a lot of eyerolling and the "Mommmmmm" or "Daaaaaaaaad" "I knoooooooowwwww", but believe me, they will care that you took the time to talk to them.  They will have their hearts broken, and there will be tears, so letting them know you are there, no matter what happens, will help them through tough times.

Grade 12

Top of the totem pole!  College, university or the work world are steps away from your almost graduate.  Finishing up missing credits, college applications, resume building - it's a very, VERY stressful time for your student.  You will invariably see changes in your child's demeanor, so taking time to sit down and talk about everything will help you both through it. 

Now is also the time where your student is just on the brink of being legal age (if in Ontario) and there will be parties, and dances, and more parties, and prom.  Taking time to talk about their responsibilities as a young adult are key, and setting ground rules.  They'll most likely be driving out late with friends now, so talking about being safe while driving to avoid tragedy is a must.

At the end of the day, ensuring that you are understanding and willing to listen to your student's anxiety, stress, depression, happy time, excitable moments, proms, dances, math tests, broken hearts, biology experiments gone awry, and simply being there for your student, is the most important thing. 

Students will be going through a slew of emotions over these 4 years and can easily pick up the phone and call the Distress Centre.  It's free, confidential, and while you may not necessarily know that they've called us, you can rest assured that our fully trained volunteers are here to provide support and listen.  Put our number in the hands of your student before this school year starts, and together we can get through another school year!  613-238-3311 - any time of day or night, we're here.

Back To School - Middles

You remember what being in middle school was like.  You remember recess being fun, doing plays & playing the recorder in music class, you remember "nature walks" and field trips, you remember playing soccer or basketball and travelling for games & tournaments.

Middle school is an amazing time in your child's life, as they are set in their school routine, know that they have homework to do, know which subjects they like, and which they need to work harder at.  Middle school is also where your child starts to really develop a personality, a group of friends, along with their own morals and values.  

Although all of these great things are happening during middle school, these years can be tough on your child.  With all of the above positives, there are other things to watch for:

Developing own personalities - is your child's personality something to be concerned about?  Is he/she lashing out?  Are there more tears than smiles?

Groups of friends - is your child hanging out with others that are easy to get along with?  Are they nice?  Are they a good or bad influence? 

Homework - is your child doing his/her homework?  Are they making up excuses for not handing in their homework?  Are they lying about having homework?

Hormones - oh the joy of the puberty age!  Is your child struggling with hormonal changes?  
Is your child nervous about having a locker for the first time?  How to remember that darn combination code?  

Is it nerve-wracking for them to be moving from classroom to classroom for subjects, instead of staying with their one teacher who just teaches everything all day?

Has your child mentioned a bully in his/her class or an older grade?  Is there a fear about going to school?  Has your child been threatened by someone at school?

The very best thing a parent can do is listen & watch.  Listen to your child's concerns "What if I can't get my locker open and I miss my bus?"  and watch for behavioral changes "I hate going to gym class now!!" (from a child who loved gym before), does your child suddenly not speak to a friend that they've been friends with for a long time?  Reading between the lines of your child's statements may be a great indication as to what's going on.  Also, there is no shame in getting in touch with your child's teachers if there is something you need to discuss ie: homework, behavior in class, etc.

Another thing that parents can do for their kids, is to make sure they stay healthy during the school year.  Getting eyes tested, vitamins taken, and regular dental check ups are a key to a successful school year - but what about their mental health as well?  Ensuring that you take time each week to talk about school, friends, groups of kids, etc.  Watching for signs of depression, stress, anxiety, and even thoughts of suicide can be overwhelming as a parent, but you know your child better than anyone.  Having healthy meals (breakfast, lunch & dinner) are very supportive in mental health as well.

As embarrassing as it may be as a parent to talk to your child about sex, this is the time in their lives where they will be learning about it at school, and from their peers, and they are dealing with puberty.  Your child will be embarrassed to be talking about it with you as well (as we all were growing up) but, hey, if we couldn't embarrass our own child, who can we embarrass?  :)  In all seriousness, the age of those participating in sexual activity is dropping, and better safe than sorry with having the discussion about safe sex early on. Deep breaths, it's going to be okay.

Encourage your child to live their school life to the fullest - play spots, swing on swings, take on yearbook or art classes, run track, join clubs.  School isn't just about learning from books, it's about learning who you are!  

Anyone needing support during the school year - students, parents, teachers, faculty, bus drivers - can call and speak to one our volunteer crisis line specialists, in confidence, 24 hours a day.  Simply call 613-238-3311.