Grief

If you are one of the few people in this world who are fortunate enough to not have lost someone or something in your life, that you have not experienced grief from, you are in a very small percentage.

The majority of the world has experienced grief in one way or another.  Through the loss of a loved one, a traumatic experience that has taken a life too soon, the loss of a job, finances, a home.  The loss of a child or a pregnancy.  The loss of a parent or sibling.  Loss of health.  Retirement.  The loss of your family pet.  Loss of a relationship, friendship or marriage.  Loss of an era of time (ie: graduating college).  Loss of safety.

Grief, like most things, is a very unique experience for each person, but with many similarities at the same time.  Grief is a natural response to loss - the more significant the loss, the more intense the emotions and grieving will be.

How you grieve is dependant of factors, sometimes out of our control - coping skills, personality, your morals & values, what you're grieving over, WHO you're grieving over, how you manage your day to day coping skills.

You may have heard the old cliché "Time heals all wounds".  This is very true in the case of grief.  There is no "normal" grieving period, because as we mentioned, it's a highly unique experience for each person.  Some people could have closure within days, others it could take weeks or months, sometimes even years. 

You may have also heard about the "Stages of Grief". 

• Denial "There is no way this is/has happening/ed"
• Anger "I can't believe this happened!"
• Bargaining "Please, make this not happen, and I promise I will.........."
• Depression "I don't think I can deal with this"
• Acceptance "Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise"

Not everyone will experience each stage.  Sometimes, people have been dealing with something for so long, that they are more emotionally and mentally prepared for the outcome of the loss.  Also, the stages of grief won't necessarily fall in order as stated above - there is no textbook cases, as there is no textbook case of loss.

What can grief feel like on your body and mind?  Many people use the word "numb".  That you're just in such disbelief that you don't really feel anything.

There can be feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, fear, and yes, even happiness (if someone has been sick for a very long time, and the loss of them has ended a period of suffering).  There can also be physical symtoms present with fatigue, loss of appetite or vice-versa (eating to cope), flu-like symptomes (aches & pains) nausea and more.

How can you get through a time of grief?  Support from your family, friends, co-workers can be a great place to start, as they are the ones who know you the best.  You can speak with a therapist or join a support group.  You can also turn to us here at the Distress Centre.  We take many calls from people who have suffered a loss either recently, or in the past that they are having a hard time coping with. 

If you need someone to talk to, we are here for you.  You don't have to go through this loss alone.  613-238-3311 anytime of day or night.

Take Care of You, Too!

If you're a caregiver of sorts, or a family member of someone who is suffering from a disorder or illness (mental, physical, psycological) you may have in your caregiving experienced what is known as "Compassion Fatigue".

Compassion Fatigue is simply that - exhaustion that has escalated from being a caregiver in someone's life.  Compassion comes from within, and while not everyone will experience Compassion Fatigue or "Secondary Trauma Stress - STS", those who do can feel the effects in their home life, work life, and personal life.

What does Compassion Fatigue look/feel like?  In everyone, it's different, as it is a stress, and stress is not the same for each individual.  There is typically a negative effect on said person's emotions, and they reach a point where there is little to no desire to continue assisting those they have been.

Symptoms of Compassion Fatigure can include (but are not limited to):

• "Bottled up" emotions
• Voicing excessive complaints
• Isolation from others
• Excessive blaming of others
• Complusive behaviors (overspending, overeating, gambling, etc)
• Poor hygenine
• Chronic physical ailments (colds, flus, etc)
• Depression
• Fatigue (tired, sleeping longer than normal)
• Unfocused
• Angers easily about simple tasks
• Cries easily about simple tasks
• Lack of interest around hobbies and activities that once loved

So how can caregivers get through and even prevent Compassion Fatigue?  There are many ways, and each individual will have to work with themselves to find out what works best. 

One way is to maintain a diverse of your own social support through family, friends, colleagues and even pets, which helps promote a positive state of mind. 

Discovering your own stress levels, and your triggers can also be helpful. 

Using your breathing to calm your stress levels.  Deep, consistent, steady breaths help the mind flow properly, and can aid in deceasing stress.

Get enough sleep.  Proper sleep (6-8 hours a night for adults) is extremely important.  When you're physically tired, as well as mentally exhausted, everything can seem like a task and a half.

Gaining perspective on what you do and do not have control over is key.  Does the person you are caring for have a terminal illness?  Does he or she have a mental illness that they have been and will be suffering from for the rest of their lives?  These things are out of your control. 

Decide what is most important in your life.  Try making a list of what you need in your life to get you through your stressful times (positive things) and a list of the things that could stand a change.  Analyse this list with someone you trust.

Encourage dialogue daily.  Talking about your stress can help vent the negative feelings.

If you find yourself in a deep state of Compassion Fatigue, we are here for you, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Simply pick up the phone and speak to one of our amazing volunteers at 613-238-3311.

Compassion Fatigue is nothing to be ashamed of!  Call us today to get support during this difficult time.

Father's Day

Father's Day is just around the corner, and while many celebrate with their Dad on Sunday over brunch, sports, BBQ'ing and other Dad-related stuff, others find themselves grieving the loss of their father, or dealing with a traumatic past or present experience.  Some may never have even met their father.

• Perhaps you're a single mother, dealing with a child who has been acting out in their father's absence? 

• Maybe you're someone who has been battling on the front line from physical, mental or sexual absuse from your father?

• Maybe your father has been suffering from a mental illness for quite a long time and you're a primary caregiver in his life?

• Perhaps your dad is dealing with substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc)?

• Maybe you're a teenager or young adult who is having issues surrounding your father and you don't know who to talk to about them?

• Maybe you've recently lost your father and are having a hard time with the thought of Father's Day coming up?

 

Whatever the case may be, taking the time to listen to what Father's Day brings forth for you, is what we're here for. 

If you need someone to talk to this Father's Day, we are here, as always.  613-238-3311.

 

Suicide Is A Scary Word

Suicide.

It's a dark, scary and confusing word, one that people have not always openly talked about.  A word that is simply tragic.

In Canada, with a population of 32,245,200 (stats from 2009) there were 3890 reported suicides, and 5-25% more in unreported suicides.

1.6 million people, or 5% of the population experience thoughts of suicide.

What leads someone to wanting their life to end?  Each individual is different in their reasoning. 

• Feeling like there is a lack of people who care (friends, family, etc)
• Bullying
• Feelings of not being good enough
• Rejection
• Isolation
• Hopelessness
• Lonliness
• Traumatic experience
• Pain associated with a disease
• Mental illness such as depression, anxiety, schizoprenia, bi-polar, etc

......and many other reasons that someone may feel like they have no other option.

Did you know what the term "Johnny committed suicide last night" is a politically incorrect term?  Years ago, before the Criminal Code of Canada removed it, a person could be charged for a suicide attempt, should they live - but in 1972, this law was removed from the Criminal Code, thus making the term "committed suicide" incorrect.  "Taking their life" is one of the more appropriate terms when speaking of someone's suicide.

But how do you know when someone is experiencing thoughts of suicide?  Courtesy of the LivingWorks guide, there are signs to watch for:

ACTIONS

* Giving away possessions
* Withdrawl from family, friends, school, work
* Loss of interest in hobbies
* Abuse of alcohol and/or drugs
* Reckless behavior
* Extreme behavior changes
* Impulsivity
* Self-mutilation

THOUGHTS

* "I won't be needing these things anymore"
* "I can't do anything right"
* "I just can't keep my thoughts straight anymore"
* "I just can't take it any more"
* "I wish I were dead"
* "Everyone will be better off without me"
* "All of my problems will end soon"
* "No one can do anything to help me now"
* "Now I now what they were going through"

PHYSICAL

* Lack of interest in appearance
* Change/loss in sex interest
* Disturbed sleep
* Change/loss of appetite, weight
* Physical health complaints

How do we on the phone lines, hear the telltale signs that someone is exeperiencing thoughts of suicide?  Every single one of our volunteers have gone through the Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training workshop (ASIST) which teaches the art of understanding, assisting and connecting to the person calling.  We are trained in suicide prevention and will do everything we can to help the caller find their reasons for living; feelings, hopes, beliefes, values, attitudes or skills, family, friends, pets, organizations and activities could all be said reasons.

As we've learned from society, and the reporting of suicides, is that it's not one specific age group or demographic that wants to end their life - it can be anyone - your neighbour, your family member, your teacher, your co-worker.  It can be someone as young as 9 years old, and it can be someone in their 90's. 

How can you help someone who is experiencing suicide ideations?  Listen.  If the person is in immediate danger of harming themselves, get emergency assistance immediately!!  If the person is willing to talk to someone about their feelings, we are here, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, NO MATTER WHAT. 

613-238-3311

 

Remember, you are not alone.  There is always someone caring & supportive on our lines, ready to listen.

 

 

 



Race Weekend Wrap Up

What a weekend!  Yes, the Ottawa Race Weekend was this past weekend, and with an awesome group of staff, volunteers and community members running various races, and raising funds for our 24/7 crisis line services, it was a weekend to remember!

We'd like to give a huge shout out to not only the people who trained hard and ran the race, but to the people who donated, and came out in the less than ideal temperatures (it was so cold!) to cheer our group of runners on!

We were able to raise $1610 for our phone lines, which goes towards us answering nearly 40,000 calls for help, support and community referrals every year.

Running, like any exercise, is such an excellent outlet for aiding in symptoms from depression, stress, anxiety, and more.  When you run, your mind belongs to you, and you are controlling your body and how fast or slow you go.  As the old saying goes "No matter how fast or slow you are, you're still lapping everyone who's sitting on the couch".  There are many training programs that will help you reach a 5k run in 8-10 weeks, with 3 runs a week.  Check out the Couch To 5k program (C25K) online, or via an app on your smart phone.

We can't wait to do this all again next year.  Registration for the 2014 Race Weekend opens September 1st, giving you 8 months of training time for whatever race you want to run!  We'd love to see you on the course :)

 

Our Community Relations Coordinator, Leslie, finishing the 10k on Saturday

 

Ottawa Race Weekend 2013

Schizophrenia

Today is Schizophrenia Awareness Day in Canada. While you may have heard about this disorder, there is much to learn about what Schizophrenia is, and how a person can deal with having it.

 

 

The brain is a mysterious organ. Throw in some unbalancing of its function, and you have a disorder. Schizophrenia is a biochemical brain disorder that affect one's perception of real life and what is being made up inside the brain. Delusional periods are a major factor in Schizophrenia, and can often be frightening. Visual halluncinations, as well as hearing voices talking to them or about them, are also very common occurances, and can be so terrifying that they may be telling the person to injure themselves, or that they will hurt them. This can all result in paranoia (thinking that they are being watched, that people are out to get them) withdrawl from family, friends & social circles, and potential suicide ideations.
 

How does one know they have Schizophrenia? Usually it starts off slowly, in pre-teen/teen years, and may just seem like "mental growing pains". In the beginning, people may find themselves unable to have downtime or to relax, have difficulty sleeping and concentrating on easy tasks. This may result in them distancing themselves from others. They may start speaking in terms others won't understand, due to episodes.

Those who are "in remission" (ie: not experiencing epsisodes) are able to function well in their day to day lives. However, during a time where episodes are happening, one may find themselves in a depression, seeing & hearing things that aren't real, and these can be very disheartening for the person suffering.

 

How does one live with Schizophrenia? A trip to the doctor is the most important thing to do first, if Schizophrenia is suspected. There are medications that help those with the disorder, to feel closer to themselves. A doctor and/or specialist will determine what type and dosage will work best for each individual, depending on the severity of episodes. Medication must be taken as prescribed to help create a liveable balance. Going off medication without consulting a doctor can be very dangerous for the person living with the disorder.

 

Do we receive calls from those living with Schizophrenia? Absolutely. Do we hear from their family members? Sure do. Families that have a Schizophrenia sufferer in their lives can learn all about this disorder by visiting http://www.schizophrenia.ca/. Our phone line is always available as well if you have concerns or questions, or just need someone to talk to, at 613-238-3311.

 

Remember that Schizophrenia doesn't mean that the person living with it can't live a happy life. With proper medication and understanding of the disorder, one can function in society, just like anyone else can.

 

 

 

Infertility And Depression

You know how the song goes..."First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage!"  This doesn't ring true for everyone out there, and the results can be literally depressing.

Diagnosed infertility is on the rise, and affects 1 in every 5 women.  While is it completely normal to feel terrible sadness surrounding infertility issues, depression goes deeper, lingers, attacks.  You're reminded of it when you go to baby showers, when a friend announces her pregnancy, when you see countless photos of your friend's children on social media sites.  While treatments can be helpful to some, they aren't always affordable for others, and this can cause depression symtoms to worsen, thinking there is no way to get pregnant.

When dealing with hormones it can be awfully tricky to undestand the difference between sadness and depression. 

Signs of depression include:

• Sadness that lasts for weeks or months
• Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness
• Frequent crying or tearing up
• Frequently irritated or intolerant of others around you, specifically people who you used to enjoy being around
• Lack of motivation, struggling to get work done at the office or around the home
• Difficulty sleeping, either sleeping too much or unable to sleep well (insomnia)
• Difficulty with eating, either overeating or experiencing low appetite
• Struggling with experiencing pleasure in life, including a low interest in sex
• Frequent feelings of anxiety or worry
• Thoughts of dying, self-harm, or suicide (If you're considering taking your own life, please get help immediately!!)

Part of this blog post comes from Marie, one of the "Win A Baby" winners from Hot 89.9's 2011 contest, where couples applied to be lucky receipients of IVF treatments.  This is Marie's story:

"It's hard to get myself back into the headspace I was in before my daughter, Faith, was born. When I look at her now, I feel such an all encompassing joy, that it's hard for me to imagine there was a time when I described the way I felt as "numb to joy". It's the best way I can describe how I ended up feeling after struggling with infertility in the years leading up to her birth.
Infertility took me by surprise. It sent me into denial, it took me for a ride on an emotional rollercoaster that seemed to have no direction. "I am young, this does not happen to people my age" I found myself saying, over and over, in my head. Just a bit more time. A bit more time became a year, and then two, and then three and four. In this time, my husband and I had been to see many doctors, undergone many tests, answered many questions, and yet our biggest one took that long to answer .... "why can't we have a baby"?

Because I held out hope that one day I would get pregnant, and prayed that hopefully the magnitude of unpleasant feelings I felt during our struggle to "have Faith" ( in more ways than one) would slowly disappear from my mind, and from my heart, I kept a journal during that time. I didn't intend for it to be something negative that would induce feelings of sadness in me when I looked back at it. I intended it to be something that, if I was ever blessed enough to have a baby, I could look back at and feel an amazing amount of gratitude that my child exists after such a heartache. I feel that the best way to paint a picture of how infertility made me feel, is to share one of those journals. It's something I never imagined to be public, but with the rising rates of infertility, I am sure there are women out there right now who feel exactly the way I did when I wrote it.

" Sometimes the time, the years I have spent hoping and praying and trying don't seem real because I have trouble believing this is happening to us. All of the many times I have allowed myself to hope for the best only to be let down and somehow I still hope. I feel my hope is running out now like a battery losing it's charge and the light is dimming. I don't know how to pray anymore for something that doesn't want to come true for me. I know that people feel sorry for me and I feel watched and pitied and it adds to my hurt. I want to not hurt anymore. I want to believe that I'm not being selfish when I regret that this is my life right now. I want people to know that I am not ungrateful in any way. I just want to not hurt. I want to be able to lay in bed at night without wanting a baby so badly that it turns my stomach in knots when I remember my reality. My daydreams drift me off to a place where my dreams have come true, and when I remember that those dreams just won't come true for me my heart breaks, over and over again. I don't know if I can count how many times I have broken my own heart this way, and I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to stop dreaming of holding my own baby in my arms, I can't even imagine what that would feel like because it seems it will never be mine. I want to be able to get through a day without hearing about some unwanted, unplanned pregnancy that makes me want to scream in anger. I want to not be angry that an unfit mother gets pregnant by accident when I will likely have to pay big money to even have a hope in the world. I want to know how to let my anger go, it's eating away at my soul, at who I am and I don't want to lose myself in this. I want to know how to pray for my dreams to come true without feeling like I'm praying into nothingness. I just want to believe".  - Marie

Marie took to writing to express her feelings during the depression she faced, alongside of the infertility issues - an excellent outlet for depression.  Baby Faith was born on November 11, 2012 to Marie & her husband Chris, and is an amazingly beautiful girl with quite the personality. 

What can you do to help battle this depression?

• Exercise.  Getting even 30 minutes a day will stimulate endorphins and  your physical well-being
• Eat well.  Eating a proper diet helps with energy and increases mobility
• Creative outlet.  As Marie did, she wrote out her feelings. Writing, singing, dancing, running, are all positive ways to get your emotions out
• Aim for 6-8 hours of solid sleep every night
• Join a group for individuals facing the same problem.  There are strength in numbers, and you may find that you have new friends and hope through others
• Speak with your doctor or medical professional

Chances are, you know someone or know someone who knows someone facing the same infertility issues - and our volunteers are here for you, at any time day or night to talk, to listen, to support you in your journey.  You can call day, or night, when you are down, or have questions, or are looking for a community referral.  We're here for you.

When we say that any issue you are facing is worth talking about, we really mean it.  If you know someone who is experiencing depression from infertility, please pass along our 24/7 confidential phone line to them: 613-238-3311.